Maria (ria_kukalaka) wrote,

Lots of House quotes

I've had a really quiet day...and the fact that i'd missed the first two eps in my quest to be the most insane house quoter ever was really burdening me. So here they are :D

House: See that – they all assume I'm a patient because of the cane.
Wilson: Then why don't you put on a white coat like the rest of us?
House: I don’t want them to think I'm a doctor. People don't want a sick doctor.
Wilson: That's fair enough, I don't like healthy patients.

Foreman: It’s a lesion. House: And the big green thing in the middle of a bigger blue thing on a map is an island.
Foreman: Shouldn’t we be speaking to a patient before we start diagnosing? House: Why? Is she a doctor?

House: Everybody lies.

Foreman: Isn’t treating patients why we became doctors? House: No, treating illnesses is why we became doctors. Treating patient’s is what makes most doctors miserable.

House: Humanity is over-rated.

Foreman: First year of medical school - you hear hoove-beats, you think horses not zebras. House: Are you in first year medical school?

Cuddy: You ignore requests for consults. House: I call back. Sometimes I misdial.

House: I’m going home. Cuddy: To what? House: Niiiice.

House: I’m angry. You’re risking a patient’s life. Cuddy: I assume those are separate points.

Cuddy: Is the yelling designed to scare me, because I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be scared of. More yelling.

House: So because you want me to treat patients, you’re not letting me treat patients.

Foreman: I thought everybody lied.
House: Truth begins in lies. Think about it.
Foreman: That doesn't even mean anything, does it?

Orange Patient: What are those?
House: Painkillers.
Orange Patient: Oh, for you, for your leg.
House: No, because they're yummy.

House: Your wife is having an affair.
Orange Patient: What?
House: You're orange, you moron! It's one thing for you not to notice, but your wife hasn't picked up on the fact that her husband has changed colors. She's just not paying attention. Oh, by the way, do you consume just ridiculous amounts of carrots and mega-dose vitamins? The carrots turn you yellow, the niacin turns you red. Get a set of fingerpaints and figure it out.

House (to the mother of an asthmatic child): Oxygen is so important during those pre-pubescent years, don't you think?

Foreman: I should sue you.
House: I'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for wrongful hiring.

House (reading a tabloid in clinic): I’m doing research. People are fascinating, aren’t they?

House: You're comparing me to a Nazi? (admiringly) Niiice.

Cuddy: You do you always think you’re right? House: I don’t. I just find it hard to operate on the opposite assumption.

House: People used to have more respect for cripples! (man in wheelchair glares) They didn't, really.

Rebecca about House: Is he a good man? Wilson: He’s a good doctor. Rebecca: Can you be one without the other? Don’t you have to care about people? Wilson: Caring is a good motivator. He’s found something else. Rebecca: Is he a friend? Wilson: Yes. Rebecca: Does he care about you? Wilson: I think so. Rebecca: You don’t know? Wilson: As Dr. House likes to say, everybody lies. Rebecca: It’s not what people say, it’s what they do. Wilson: Yeah, he cares about me. (SQUEEEE!)

Foreman: Cameron, I need you for a couple of hours.
Cameron: What's up?
Foreman: When you break into a house, it’s always better to have a white chick with you.

Patient in clinic: I’m tired a lot. House: Any other reason why you think you might have chronic fatigue syndrome. Patient: It’s kinda the definition, isn’t it? House: It’s also the definition of getting older. Patient: I had a couple of headaches last month, mild fever, sometimes I can’t sleep and I have trouble concentrating.
House: Apparently not while researching this stuff on the internet.

Foreman (about House): ‘I say what I think’ is just another way of saying I’m an arsehole.

House: I don't care if you can walk, see, wipe your ass. It's always ugly - always! We can live with dignity - we can't die with it.

Cameron: So because you respect her you’re gonna let her die? House: I solved the case, my work here is done.

Cameron: It's hard to work for a guy who doesn't respect me.
House: Why?
Cameron: Was that rhetorical?
House: No. Just seems that way because you can't think of an answer.

Cameron: You hired a black guy because he had a juvenile record.
House: Nooo, it was a racial thing. I didn’t see a black guy. I just saw a doctor with a juvenile record.

Cuddy (about House): The sonofabitch is the best doctor we have.
Writing on get-well card: We're happy you're not dead, Miss Rebecca.

And for your second dose

Wilson: Yes, concerned parents can be so annoying.

Wilson: Just tell Cuddy you have an urgent case.
House: That would be lying.
Wilson: And that would be wrong! But luckily the definition of urgent is fudgible.
House: Not the definition of case though.
Wilson: You have no cases...... You have no cases!

House: When did my signature become so girly?

House: Perseverance does not equal worthiness. Next time you want to get my attention, wear something fun. Low-riding jeans are hot.

House flicks in front of patient’s(Dan) eyes.
Dan’s Mum: What does that tell you?
House: Nothing. It’s just fun watching him blink.
Name as many animals as you can that begin with the letter B.
Dan: Baby elephant
Dan’s Dad: What does that tell you?
House: Proves two things. No neurological damage and you son is never gonna be chief fry cook.

House: Well then Dave....
Cameron: Dan

House: I’d ask if either of you two were involved but you’d just deny it.
Dan's Dad: No, we would never do anything to hurt Dan.
House: I say it here. It comes out there.

House: You hound me for my opinion and then you condemn my diagnosis. Cool.

House: This may seem incredibly controversial but I think sexual abuse is bad.

Cameron: I took an accurate family history.
House: You didn’t even take an accurate family. His father is not his father.

Chase: It doesn’t necessarily have to be that bad. If we exclude the night terrors, it could be something systemic. His liver, kidneys, something outside the brain.
House: Yes, feel free to exclude any symptoms if it makes your job easier.

House: Chase knew that I saw something on the MRI, so he figured that I saw something and took a guess. Clever . . . but pathetic. (YAY, he called him pathetic)

House: Are you guessing?
Chase: Yes.
House: Too bad. You're right.

Foreman: He probably just moved. Nobody stays perfectly still for their MRI.
House: Yeah, he probably got restless and shifted one hemisphere of his brain to a more comfortable position.

House: Missing her vaccination dates.
Mother of sick girl: We’re not vaccinating.
House: Think they don’t work?
Mother: I think some multi-national pharmaceutical company wants me to think they work. Pad their bottom line.

House: You know what’s another really good business. Teeny tiny baby coffins. You can get them in frog green, fire engine red, really. The antibodies in “yummy mummy” only protect the baby for 6 months which is why these companies thing they can gouge you. They think that you’ll spend whatever they ask to keep your child alive. Wanna change things. Prove them wrong. A few hundred parents like you decide they’d rather let their babies die than cough up $40 for a vaccination, believe me, prices will drop really fast.

House: Who cares about McPhearson? I hear he tortured kittens.
Foreman: McDonald.
House: Oh, McDonald. Wonderful doctor - loves kittens.

House: Dr. Cuddy. Nice outfit. [she was wearing a tennis outfit]
Cuddy: What are you doing back here? Patient?
House: No, hooker. Went to my office instead of my home.

House: Anybody tell the family that their boy almost stepped off the roof. They must be thrilled.
Cameron: They’re not suing, but I think only because Chase asked....
House: Why does everybody always think I’m being sarcastic? This is great news.

Cameron: What about sex?
House: Well, it could get complicated. We work together, I'm older, but maybe you like that.
Cameron: I meant syphilis.
House: Nice cover.

House: Who thinks there's a third option. (Chase puts up his hand {the annoying little suck-up – not that I don’t like him or anything}) Very good. And what's the third choice?
Chase: No idea. You just asked if I thought there was one.

House (to patient who likes to sue): Does your penis hurt?
Patient: No. What? Should it?
House: No, I just thought I’d toss you a really inappropriate question. Your lawyers gonna love it.

House: It'd be like "The Boy Who Sued Wolf." You know, I bet we have a doctor here named ‘Wolf'. How perfect would that be.....I think I'll page him.

House: We’ll fix you right up.
Suing patient: Why would you do that?
House: I’m a people person.

Wilson: You actually treated him?
House: All I know is that he sued some doctors. Who am I to assume they didn’t have it coming to them. (sees Cuddy) .....the cutest little tennis outfit....oh sorry I didn’t see you embarrassing....
Cuddy: How's your hooker doing?
House: How sweet of you to ask. Funny story, she was going to be a hospital administrator, but she hated to screw people like that.

House: Oh crap! Another reason I don't like meeting patients. If they don't know what you look like, they can't yell at you.
Dan's Mum: How can you just sit there?
House: If I eat standing up, I spill.

Suing patient : You've caused me considerable mental stress.
House: I certainly hope so.

House: Could we get off my screw-ups and focus on theirs? Theirs is bigger.

House: Listen, when we were taking his medical history, were you confused? Did you think we were looking for a genetic clue to his condition or did you think we were trying to ascertain who loves him the most in the whole wide world.

Cuddy: You can’t order a $32000 DNA test to win a bet.
House: It’s not an actual cost. (whispers) I don’t know if you know this but the hospital actually owns the sequencing machine.
Tags: house quotes, quotes
  • Post a new comment


    default userpic
    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.