These are not complete yet and probably not all that accurate, since I don’t have this ep, so is from scribbling them down during adverts.
Cuddy: What are you, eight?
House (makes a face): Could an eight year old do this?
Cuddy: Better stop it or it'll stick that way.
Wilson: Sixth circle of Hell?
House: Confined in a sweat box with a bloody nose and all the tissues are soggy.
Wilson: I think that's the Seventh?
House: Nope. The seventh . . .
Wilson: God, you must be fun at parties.
House: I think we both know the flaw in that theory.
House: I've been a doctor for years – why do I have to keep assuring people I know what I'm doing?
Sister (talking about hypochondriac nun): She tends to believe in things that aren't real.
House: Really? I thought that was a job description for you people.
Sister: The sisters tend to interpret their illnesses as divine intervention.
House: And you don't? You're wearing an awfully funny hat.
Sister: Thank you for your patience.
Wilson: Is she talking to you?
House: I don't know. She's certainly looking at me...
House: I've found that when you want to know the truth about someone, that someone is probably the last person you should ask.
House: What the hell are those?
Cameron: Candy canes.
House: Candy canes? Are you mocking me.
Cameron: No! It's…it's Christmas, and I thought...
House: Relax – it's a joke.
House: What do you know about the nun?
Chase: Which one?
House: The cute one. I think she likes me. The sick one, obviously.
House: And the old nun thinks the sick nun is a big fat nun liar.
House: I am both amused and annoyed that you think I should be less stubborn then you are.
Foreman: Everyone screws up. Your rule. I think you fit within the subset of ‘everyone'.
House: I didn't screw up.
House: I also recognize that I am human and capable of error.
Wilson: So you might have screwed this up?
Wilson: So it's merely a theoretical capacity for error?
House: Good point. Maybe there isn't one. Maybe that's my error.
House: (making a point to Cuddy) So there I was, in the clinic, drunk, so I opened the drawer, closed my eyes, grabbed the first syringe I could find...
Wilson: You want to come over for Christmas dinner?
House: You're Jewish.
Wilson: Yeah, Hanukkah dinner. What do you care? It's free food. (!!!!)
Luke: Is this a good hospital?
House: Depends on what you mean by "good". I like the chairs.
Luke: She’s not an alcoholic.
ER Doc: (disbelieving) She only drinks when you give it to her? Pause We put her on blood thinners. You can probably take her home tomorrow.
Luke: It’s not the alcoholic. It’s got to be something else.
House (interrupting in an obnoxious voice): Of course it’s the alcoholic. HELLO! This guy’s a professional doctor. Plays golf and everything, I bet. He’s not gonna tell you you’re mum’s an alcoholic without proof. I’m sure he scoped for varices, checked her oesophagus, did all kinds of blood tests. Doctors like this don’t make assumptions, they do the work.
House: How old is she?
Luke: You're a doctor?
House: Own my own stethoscope. Did I ask you how old she is? I forget
Cameron: You took a history?
House: I have some notes. They’re not mine but reliable, I think.
Wilson: Well schizophrenia explains one mystery. Why you’re so fascinated by a women with a bump in her leg. It’s like Picasso deciding to white wash a fence. :D
Wilson: You won't talk to patients because they lie, but give you a patient with no concept of reality...
House: If it wasn’t for Socrates, that raving, untreated schizophrenic, we wouldn’t have the Socratic method. The best way of teaching everything, except for juggling chainsaws. Without Isaac Newton we’d be floating around on the ceiling.
Wilson: Dodging chainsaws, no doubt.
House: And that guitar player in that English band, he was great…….Pink Floyd.
Foreman: He's really talking to a patient.
Chase: I don't know who I am any more.
Chase: He likes crazy people. He likes the way they think.
Foreman: They think...badly. That's the definition of...crazy.
Chase: They're not boring. He likes that.
Cameron: Happy birthday.
House: Okay . . . whose?
House (to a mother in clinical): No really, not Strep. The boys in the lab – sure, they're hard drinkers. But they're pros. Plus she has none of the symptoms of strep. I just thought it’d be quicker to run the test than argue with you.
House: We needed blood for tests. I assume that was the only way to get it.
Luke (blocking his way): Your guy Foreman knocked her out!
House: Look, I've got a cane and I know how to use it.
Luke: I hired you. You work for me.
House: Okay. Can I go now, Boss.
House: So when I said, "No Psych Meds," I'm just curious - which word didn't you understand?
Foreman: The haldol had nothing to do with the bleed. You know that. I used it purely as a chemical restraint.
House: Okay well that’s good to hear. So she won’t experience any of those pesky little side effects you get when your motives aren’t pure.
Foreman: She spit in my face.
House: Oh, that must have been so frightening for you.
Foreman: I used my best judgement.
House: It turns out your best judgment is not good enough. Here's an idea - next time, use mine.
Cameron: I think they’re choosing a movie.
Cameron: What is it? Everybody lies except for schizophrenics and their children.
House (to Chase): Gee, I wish my idea was as cool and with it as yours. By the way, what is your idea? Do you have one?
House: I can tell you're upset about something. You're going to open up to me, aren't you?
Luke: It's my fault...
House: Here we go...Okay I’m gonna say this once. You have done a very good job taking care of your mother. If this was all she would eat, than what else could you do? Gosh, just being a kid is a full time job.
Luke: Shut up! I’m 18, I should be able to take care of my mum. I almost killed her.
House: Good example. Just the time it takes to express those ridiculous self-centred teenage ideas ... I don’t envy your schedule.
Luke: My life is working.
House: Not the word I’d use. Most 15 year olds are doing what they’re supposed to be doing. Huffing glue, catching crabs.
Luke: If you turn me in, I’ll sue you. That’s privileged information.
House: Oh relax. It’s not even your x-ray.
House: Love the outfit. It says "I'm a professional, but I'm still a woman." Actually, it sort of yells the second part.
Cuddy: Yeah, and your big cane is real subtle too.
House: Gotta go. Those runny noses aren’t going to start walking on their own.
Cameron: You really didn't know?
House: No, I didn't, and frankly I'm angry. Which I'm guessing is the correct response. Of course I'll know better once I know what you're talking about.
Cameron: Your birthday.
House: Oh. Anger was a bad guess. Well normally I’d put on a festive hat and celebrate the fact that the Earth has circled the sun one more time. I really didn’t think it would make it this year, but darn it, if it wasn’t the little planet that could all over again.
Luke: You said you wouldn't call. You're a real bastard, you know?
House: Yeah, I get that a lot.
House: You think I'm crazy.
Wilson: Well, yeah, but that's not the problem.
Lucy (in elevator): Luke, you’re making Dr. House wait.
House: It’s okay. We’re just here for the music.
Okay next couple of eps, hopefully soon. :D